How I Dealt With Burnout
I’m always very wary of posting personal blog posts. I’m brutally honest in all my posts (I wouldn’t know how to be anything else), so writing about my personal life always leaves me feeling a bit vulnerable. However, I write personal posts for 2 reasons. 1- it’s a great way to vent, and somehow blogging feels more productive than journaling, and 2, more importantly, the feedback I get after writing personal posts makes me realise how many more of you out there are experiencing similar issues, and if I can help just one person feel less alone or helpless, that’s enough for me.
You can tell from this blog alone that I’m out and about a lot- I love being busy. Rishav and I eat at restaurants 3-4 times a week, and I’m at events 1-2 times a week, leaving only 1 night at home. I’m restless when I am at home, and can’t just sit still and *be*- I’m always looking for something to do.
I hate letting myself down, and I take every opportunity that is given to me, always telling myself that I can do more. In the past 2 months, I worked from 8:30-5 (with no spare time during working hours to even think of anything else), applied to 8 MBA schools (which is a whole process in itself- think 5-6 motivation essays EACH), blogged, attended launch events, went on 3 international trips and countless trips to PE to see my dad, plus met my freelance writing commitments to the Sunday Independent and Gauteng Tourism. This weekend was the first time I watched tv in 3 months. I was strategizing in the car, in the shower. I was on my laptop on the plane, before bed, even at restaurants before my friends arrived. I had so much to do that I felt as if every spare minute needed to be utilised.
I carried on at this pace for a while, and I was stressed and a bit edgy, but still fine, until one Friday after work I got stuck in bad traffic, got so frazzled that my brain felt like it was going to explode, got home and collapsed into bed at 7pm and was unable to move until the next day, when I woke up with a throat on fire, went to the doctor, and was told I had tonsillitis. I didn’t even realise I had burnout until that moment. I thought I was riding a wave and loving it, until I crashed.
I know people who say they’re busy… “crazy busy”, as if it’s something to be proud of. Being ridiculously busy for a long period of time is not sustainable. Aspects of your life will suffer, and in my case it was my emotional state.
I can’t count the number of times people have told me “I don’t know how you do it”. I was doing it, but I was miserable. I felt like I was just going through the motions for the sake of it, and wasn’t enjoying anything anymore- not even writing. I didn’t nurture myself during my dad’s illness, I didn’t create any “me” time, I filled up my weekends with “stuff”, and I just lost myself.
Luckily, my sister is very in tune with these types of things and she could see I was headed for breaking point, so she recommended I see a life coach. I thought this couldn’t do any harm, because I’m constantly oscillating between wanting to be a fulltime journalist and wanting to grow my career, and I felt as though some direction would be useful.
So I made an appointment with a life coach, Judy Klipin, at a hefty R750(!) per session. I’ve been for 2 sessions so far and they’ve been worth every cent. Judy didn’t tell me anything I already didn’t know. She asked me probing questions which forced me to stop and think, which oddly enough, I never do. When I tell people about my sessions, the stuff she said sounds so simple- but something just shifted in my mind and I realised that I have choices, which made me feel empowered. I am where I am because I want to be, and if I don’t want to be here I can make the choice to be somewhere else. No one is forcing all these commitments onto me, I’ve chosen them, and it’s up to me to craft my free time so that it’s working optimally for me.
Since then, I’ve started declining most events, opting to stay home and chill instead. I took time to grieve for my dad, and deal with the previously ignored emotional pressure his cancer put on me over the past year. I’ve been spending my time with close friends and family, who lift my spirits. And I’m slowly starting to feel like myself again. I’m getting up looking forward to each day, I’m fulfilled and happy at work, I’m having fun with the writing, and I’m MOST excited about what the future holds for Rishav and I- I’m pretty sure this MBA thing is going to work out for both of us 🙂 🙂
The scary thing is, had I not taken action, who knows where I would have ended up after that night I collapsed into bed? I hope I never become that person again. Have you ever experienced something like this? How do you avoid burnout? As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts!
xx H
You can tell from this blog alone that I’m out and about a lot- I love being busy. Rishav and I eat at restaurants 3-4 times a week, and I’m at events 1-2 times a week, leaving only 1 night at home. I’m restless when I am at home, and can’t just sit still and *be*- I’m always looking for something to do.
I hate letting myself down, and I take every opportunity that is given to me, always telling myself that I can do more. In the past 2 months, I worked from 8:30-5 (with no spare time during working hours to even think of anything else), applied to 8 MBA schools (which is a whole process in itself- think 5-6 motivation essays EACH), blogged, attended launch events, went on 3 international trips and countless trips to PE to see my dad, plus met my freelance writing commitments to the Sunday Independent and Gauteng Tourism. This weekend was the first time I watched tv in 3 months. I was strategizing in the car, in the shower. I was on my laptop on the plane, before bed, even at restaurants before my friends arrived. I had so much to do that I felt as if every spare minute needed to be utilised.
I carried on at this pace for a while, and I was stressed and a bit edgy, but still fine, until one Friday after work I got stuck in bad traffic, got so frazzled that my brain felt like it was going to explode, got home and collapsed into bed at 7pm and was unable to move until the next day, when I woke up with a throat on fire, went to the doctor, and was told I had tonsillitis. I didn’t even realise I had burnout until that moment. I thought I was riding a wave and loving it, until I crashed.
I know people who say they’re busy… “crazy busy”, as if it’s something to be proud of. Being ridiculously busy for a long period of time is not sustainable. Aspects of your life will suffer, and in my case it was my emotional state.
I can’t count the number of times people have told me “I don’t know how you do it”. I was doing it, but I was miserable. I felt like I was just going through the motions for the sake of it, and wasn’t enjoying anything anymore- not even writing. I didn’t nurture myself during my dad’s illness, I didn’t create any “me” time, I filled up my weekends with “stuff”, and I just lost myself.
Luckily, my sister is very in tune with these types of things and she could see I was headed for breaking point, so she recommended I see a life coach. I thought this couldn’t do any harm, because I’m constantly oscillating between wanting to be a fulltime journalist and wanting to grow my career, and I felt as though some direction would be useful.
So I made an appointment with a life coach, Judy Klipin, at a hefty R750(!) per session. I’ve been for 2 sessions so far and they’ve been worth every cent. Judy didn’t tell me anything I already didn’t know. She asked me probing questions which forced me to stop and think, which oddly enough, I never do. When I tell people about my sessions, the stuff she said sounds so simple- but something just shifted in my mind and I realised that I have choices, which made me feel empowered. I am where I am because I want to be, and if I don’t want to be here I can make the choice to be somewhere else. No one is forcing all these commitments onto me, I’ve chosen them, and it’s up to me to craft my free time so that it’s working optimally for me.
Since then, I’ve started declining most events, opting to stay home and chill instead. I took time to grieve for my dad, and deal with the previously ignored emotional pressure his cancer put on me over the past year. I’ve been spending my time with close friends and family, who lift my spirits. And I’m slowly starting to feel like myself again. I’m getting up looking forward to each day, I’m fulfilled and happy at work, I’m having fun with the writing, and I’m MOST excited about what the future holds for Rishav and I- I’m pretty sure this MBA thing is going to work out for both of us 🙂 🙂
The scary thing is, had I not taken action, who knows where I would have ended up after that night I collapsed into bed? I hope I never become that person again. Have you ever experienced something like this? How do you avoid burnout? As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts!
xx H
November 6, 2013 @ 5:15 am
I loved this post! I went thru similar situation except it went on for years.. Until my doc booked me off work- as my health had taken a bad turn. After a cancer episode a few years back, I hadn’t clicked and went back to the “rat race”. With a demanding career, part time studies, three kids and a home to run, I thought I was doing rather well. NOT!
I developed a condition where my body was no longer producing the hormone which supports the immune system and had to take time off work for 6 months. It’s now been a year, I’m still at home, on the mend, and taking a different direction.
I’m so happy you’re doing it before it became worse.
Take Care!
Rushda xx
November 6, 2013 @ 6:39 am
Hi Rushda
Thanks so much for your comment. I’m sorry you had to go through that, but what matters is that you’re now on the mend. We need to be kind to ourselves! x H
November 6, 2013 @ 7:21 am
This post is eerily apt. Ten minutes ago I was standing in my garden – I work from home – evaluating my life (read: comparing my life to the lives of those around me). I was feeling quite disillusioned and realised I had to make some serious changes. I am a single Mom to two boys and my life is ‘crazy busy’. It’s taking it’s toll. For example I NEED to take a holiday – the last holiday I took was six years ago. Seriously.
So…this blog post of yours has just confirmed what I already knew: I have chosen this path. And only I can change its course.
Thank you for being so brutally honest, it is not only therapeutic for you but for your readers too.
Here’s to change!
November 6, 2013 @ 8:37 am
Hi Dallace
Thanks so much for your comment. Comparing our lives to those of others is one of the worst things we can do, because others often only reveal the best parts of their lives and it’s not a true reflection. Yes- we are solely responsible for our paths, so only we can change them!
November 6, 2013 @ 7:22 am
Thanks for the post. I suffered from burn out about 2 months ago and landed up in hospital. I’m still on the road to recovery but every little bit of help works, whether its family, friends, colleagues, psychologists, psychiatrists etc. What I find most difficult is not going back to old habits, but in the end you have to know that your health comes first.
November 6, 2013 @ 8:45 am
Hey there
I’m sorry you ended up in hospital, but I completely agree that talking about to someone objective is the best way to heal. We need to put ourselves first!
November 6, 2013 @ 7:42 am
Hi Has! I’m so relieved you took action and have slowed down more now – it’s so very important.
There came a time during this year when my Blog felt more like a burden than a blessing to me.
I was running around all over the show, dealing with work, trying to make time for my boyfriend and family and ultimately felt strecthed so thin, I was always on verge of tears. Luckily I didn’t get sick but managed to realize earlier on that I needed a time out and needed to say no more often.
I know exactly what you mean about opportunities. I hate missing out on anything and get cases of major FOMO when I miss that or launch.
Now I just tell myself that my health and mental sanity is more important than being seen here and there or committing to every single thing that is requested of me, and I feel so much better.
Good on your for taking action and all the best with the MBA plans!
SS
November 6, 2013 @ 8:47 am
Hey Siyaam! I know exactly what you mean- when you’re a go getter it’s hard to turn down what potentially could be a great event, but lately being at home and having time to just relax has given me more sanity and peace of mine than I could have imagined. It’s all about balance 🙂
November 6, 2013 @ 8:28 am
You are most certainly not alone. Its great that you have a sister who knows you well enough to see you are not coping and need help- without you having to ask for help.
I realised I was “burning out” when I stopped to fill fuel one day and could not, for the life of me, remember my passcode. This is the passcode I use on a daily basis and it escaped me. After typing it incorrectly thrice, I sat in my car crying. Poor petrol attendant was helluva confused.
I guess we just *have to* make time for ourselves to just relax and escape the busyness of every day life. Here’s to recovery 🙂
November 6, 2013 @ 8:49 am
Hi Reyhana, I can definitely relate to that! Burnout creeps up on us gradually, and then we explode at the strangest moment. I’m trying to make an effort not to rush around from one commitment to the next and try to enjoy having no commitments!
November 6, 2013 @ 11:41 am
Well done Hasmita! These days its not the done thing to be seen not as “crazy busy” – our soceity is so wrapped up in being busy we have forgotten to just BE. Earlier this year, I felt myself slipping into the pre-burnout phase. I was emotional, anxious all the time and just not enjoying life. Similar to you, and thankfully, my sister recommended I go speak to someone (a physcologist) and it is really some of the best money I have spent this year. My husband and I both have demanding careers and it felt like we went months without properly connecting. It is so important in this “on-the-go-permanently connected” world that we take the time out to just chill and be. Good luck and thank you – it is so refreshing to read about a real life and not just a life that looks good 🙂
November 6, 2013 @ 12:44 pm
Hi Samantha
I know exactly what you mean, I also felt anxious and on edge for a long time, and I didn’t recognize those symptoms as burnout. It’s really hard to balance commitments to work and family and still make time for yourself. Thanks for taking the time to comment 🙂
November 6, 2013 @ 12:03 pm
Great post Hasmita. I really didn’t know how you dealt with all you work, blogging, travels, events and your dad being sick. Always thought you must have some secret energy tonic! I totally know what burnout feels like and felt like I was heading that way the last few months before I left my job. I realised that we must do what makes us happy but also take time out to just be. Good luck with the MBA. Holding thumbs for you!
November 6, 2013 @ 12:45 pm
Thanks M! I myself thought I was managing perfectly getting off a long haul flight and going straight to work, or working half a day and rushing to the airport. It eventually did catch up with me though! Thanks for the support 🙂
November 6, 2013 @ 2:10 pm
Lovely post, thanks for being so honest. I think many of us go through this without realising it until its too late. I was in an unhappy marriage, in a job I hated, trying to make ends meet. I broke down and realised that only I could be the change that I want to be. Here’s to moving forward.
November 6, 2013 @ 6:22 pm
There is such strength in vulnerability! I understand it completely… Well done in taking time to look after you and to nurture yourself. The cliche really is true… You have to look after yourself first before you can ever truly look after someone else
xxx
November 7, 2013 @ 12:34 am
I was in a similar situation. Best thing that worked for me was to take time off from your professional work, RELAX, write a little (personal blogging helps for me), reflect, and prioritise! You can’t fix an airplane engine while it’s flying – similarly (in a way), you need to give your mind a break for it to recover!
Be well!
June 30, 2014 @ 6:20 pm
Hasmita,
Thank you for writing this blog. I thought I was alone. I am feeling the same way that you did when you “burned out”. Thanks for sharing the tips on getting a life coach. Now I will hunt for a good one around my area 🙂
Stephanie